Bruce Willis plays Jimmy 'The Tulip' Tudeski, a hit man who has turned into an obsessively domestic househusband who dresses in what might charitably be called an androgynously pathetic wardrobe. In the opening, his hit woman wife, Jill St. Claire (Amanda Peet), has returned from a hard day at work. She hasn't been able to kill anyone lately because they keep having accidents just before she can shoot them. Jimmy, after showing her the hit men mobile he has made to hang above their baby's crib, suggests a solution to her depression. They can go find some innocent tourist and kill him. She becomes more relaxed after this suggestion to sooth her nerves. Nothing like a little murder quickie to calm a jittery hit woman.

Meanwhile back at the office, the dentist office, that is, Dr. Nicholas 'Oz' Oseransky (Matthew Perry) is worried that the bad guys led by Lazlo Gogolak (Kevin Pollak, giving the worst performance in a movie full of them), will be gunning for him. The doctor's wife Cynthia Oseransky (Natasha Henstridge), who has a few secrets, tries to reassure him that everything will be okay.

I could go into the little Buttercup Scout who is almost shot delivering cookies to Oz and some other distastefully other unfunny parts of the picture, but I'll just conclude, instead, by suggesting you save your money for something better. And this week, with the hilarious and sweet THE GIRL NEXT DOOR opening opposite this turkey, there is at least one alternative new film that is terrific.

THE WHOLE TEN YARDS runs a long 1:37. It is rated PG-13 for "sexual content, some violence and language" and would be acceptable for kids around 12 and up.