You gotta love Hollywood. They really know what American consumers want.
We don't want sweet subtlety. We want it crude and over the top and with
the biggest stars we can get. Setting out to remake the delightful Japanese
picture, SHALL WE DANCE?, the studio turned a cute little charmer into a
slapstick sitcom, starring Jennifer Lopez and Richard Gere in a pair of
chemistry-free and charisma-free performances. The Japanese original was
magical, but this remake thinks that entertainment comes only from laughs at
cheesy pratfalls.
When we meet John Clark (Gere), he's a wealthy but unhappy attorney. He has
a gorgeous wife, Beverly (Susan Sarandon), and two older kids, but the
family is too busy to spend time together. When his wife isn't working, she
is busy volunteering at the school. Her only complain about John is that he
never wants anything for his birthday. Well, John, who evening after
evening travels home on the train and gazes wistfully at a dance instructor,
an ice princess named Paulina (Lopez), finally realizes that there is
something he wants -- dance lessons.
His wife, of course, suspects him of having an affair. And, equally
predictably, she hires a couple of doofus detectives to follow her hubby
home and see where he gets sidetracked along the way. She should worry
given the company he keeps. Among his fellow male, would-be dancers is an
offensive guy named Chic who explains that the reason he is taking lessons
is that "guys who know how to move on the dance floor know how to move in
the sack." Any woman with half a brain wouldn't get within ten miles of
this loser.
But it isn't Chic who provides the film's low points. That "honor" goes to
Stanley Tucci, who plays Link Peterson. Link works in the same office as
John, but Link has an alter ego who puts on the worst wig and fake teeth
imaginable in what looks like a bad parody of John Travolta in SATURDAY
NIGHT FEVER. The fiftyish Link sees himself as a twenty-year-old hunk of a
dancer. Others see him and want to run. The next time you really enjoy a
foreign film, please keep it to yourself, lest Hollywood decide to remake it
into a form more palatable to U.S. audiences.
SHALL WE DANCE? runs a long 1:46. It is rated PG-13 for "some sexual
references and brief language" and would be acceptable for kids around 8 and
up.
Copyright © 2004 Steve Rhodes