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Review by Steve Rhodes
1 star out of 4
What could you do with a bucket, a paintbrush and ten pounds of salt? Well, if
you were one of the dudes in Brendan and Emmett Malloy's OUT COLD, you could get
a bear to lick a drunken guy's private parts. Of course, in the real world,
leaving a passed-out guy in the snow overnight with his pants down would cause
him to die of hypothermia. But Jon Zack's script has nothing to do with real
life -- or comedy for that matter. The best that can be said of OUT COLD is
that it is generally more lame than obnoxious. Funny it isn't.
This is the movie that dares to ask, "Can you get an STD (sexually transmitted
disease) from a bear?" You won't care enough to laugh or consider what the
answer might be. Among other such would-be humorous lines is the epithet, "You
fight like a retard!"
The movie features a game called "King of the Mountain." It's a game with no
rules, but the winner is apparently the snowboarder who has the most beer left
in his mug at the base of the mountain. Slapping the bronzed buttock of a
statue of a mooning skier is also part of the ritual.
Mainly a male movie, the story's females tend to be male fantasy figures. One
dream sequence has a bunch of scantily-clad women trapped high up in a gondola.
A guy named Pigpen (Derek Hamilton) goes to rescue them. His solution? They
have to take off their bikini tops so he can use the tops to create a rope. A
constant tease, the movie shows almost nothing so that it can sneak in with a
What does the film have to offer? It's not much, but it does at least have some
nice snow footage.
OUT COLD runs a long 1:30. It is rated PG-13 for "language, crude and sexual
humor, and substance abuse" and would be acceptable for teenagers.
Copyright © 2001 Steve Rhodes