Enter Dick (sorry), your new neighbor. A widower senior citizen, Dick lives on a quiet street in an affluent part of Chicago. He retired several years ago but returned to the active life of retirement a few years back. For some unknown reason, Dick is being haunted by a case he handled many years ago. When he moves into his new apartment, he takes one look at the security camera and immediately has to shake himself and go out the door.
We see that Dick’s neighbor, George Woodward, is the one who Dick is worried about. After observing George’s dog urinating on the doorstep and then missing the next meeting with his neighbors, Dick decides to follow up on what he initially thought was a simple missing dog. When Dick visits George’s house the following day, he finds a note on the doorstep that says “I’M UPSING THAT COP,” which quickly brings Dick back to the scene of the crime: The suspicious widow of a man who disappeared decades ago, whose body was found rotting in a wooded area.
Apparently, Dick was invited over to the house the previous night by Dan Hedaya, the man who questioned Dick in his first police station interview. Before leaving, however, Dan had let Dick know that some very disturbing information about the president and his wife had come to his attention. This conversation comes to a head at the next Teen Girl White House Dog Walkers, where, as the teenage girls are about to give each other high-fives, Dick casually mentions that it “wouldn’t be the first time” that the president’s wife had been murdered.
Just then, former First Lady Hillary Clinton walks in on the scene and starts giving her own high-five. Although she immediately puts her head down, Dan notices that Dick is holding her hand and they both start walking side by side. Suddenly, the conversation is turned to the recent scandal involving the president having an affair with White House aide Judith Carter, who was supposed to be working with Dick on her presidential campaign. The conversation quickly turns to the recent news of how Dick had suspected the affair to have begun but had not yet had any evidence to prove it.
After a few minutes of awkward silence, the two teenage girls decide it’s time to introduce themselves to each other and introduce Dick’s boss, President John F. Kennedy. Surprisingly, Dick immediately gets nervous as the president motions toward them and starts talking to them. After trying to introduce himself to the other woman, Dick is introduced tooney, who happens to be the president’s grandmother. Although everyone else in the room is aware that Dick is a reporter, the women all stop and stare at Dick, confused about his appearance.
After a few more minutes of awkward silence, the President attempts to make small talk and asks where Dick works. Instantly, Dick corrects him and says he works for the “newspaper” and asks where they get their ideas. President Kennedy smiles at Dick and then turns to his cousin, ferret-like, Ralph. Ralph says that Dick is just like Ferrell and asks him if he wants to see the “worm.” Before anyone else can stop Dick from leaving the room, his secretary opens the door and points to a pile of old newspapers on the desk.
As everyone tries to figure out what the big deal is, Dick drops his pants and reveals that he is working on a story for the new magazine. Immediately, a bunch of teenage girls show up to the White House in a large pile of clothes and ask if the President wants to give them a ride to the coffee shop, as they are staying late for an interview. The other women just laugh at them and leave but not before one of them tells the president that he looks like “a big fish.”
Although it may seem ridiculous to think about a 14-year-old getting a ride to the coffee shop with the most famous reporter in the country, it was the reality during and after the infamous Watergate scandal. Although Dick’s first intent was to simply get his name and fame out there, he was secretly trying to get the story from the newspapers about the scandal so that when the book was finally released, he would be the main focus of media attention. By taking advantage of the notoriety Dick garnered, he hoped to bring about positive changes in the news. After all, his “scandal” with the white house didn’t really help much; in fact, it just added fuel to the fire and made the fire burn hotter.