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The Texas Chainsaw Massacre

movie reviewvideo review out of 4

All-Reviews.com Movie Review: The Texas Chainsaw Massacre

Starring: Jessica Biel, Jonathan Tucker
Director: Marcus Nispel
Rated: R
RunTime: 98 Minutes
Release Date: October 2003
Genre: Horror


*Also starring: Eric Balfour, Andrew Bryniarski, Erica Leerhsen, Mike Vogel, R. Lee Ermey, Terrence Evans, Stephen Lee, David Dorfman



Review by Steve Rhodes
1 star out of 4

In 1974, a low budget horror flick called THE TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE got lucky and hit the big time, going on to become a cult classic. For years the studios have had what they thought was a great idea -- they'd make a bucket of money by remaking the movie. Well, you lucky moviegoers, this is the year of the remake. You'll be especially lucky if you manage to avoid this film entirely.

The Halloween movie season, which now lasts the entire month of October, is one in which there are plenty of cheap horror movies that are so bad they almost cry out for critics to take a hatchet to them. For the abominable THE TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE nothing less than a chainsaw will do.

Drip, drip, drip goes the blood in THE TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE. A barfola, it is happiest when the audience is the most nauseated. How do you spell "yuck?"

The plot has a group of teens, including Erin (Jessica Biel) and Kemper (Eric Balfour), on their way to a concert. Along the way, bad things happen to them and to the audience in this slasher flick. Filmed darkly, as if through a dirty lens, the movie features buckets of blood. The camera shots are frequently from the ground and the music stays in the low registers in an attempt to heighten the fright.

"I got just as much respect for dead bodies as anyone around here," Sheriff Hoyt (R. Lee Ermey) tells us in one of the story's many illogical lines. I just wish that director Marcus Nispel had had at least a modicum of respect for the audience by giving them at least a mildly intelligent thriller.

THE TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE runs 1:38. The film is rated R for "strong horror violence/gore, language and drug content" and would be acceptable for older teenagers.

Copyright 2003 Steve Rhodes

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