You've got to be kidding! You'll be thinking that throughout NORTHFORK, a
pretentious picture so bad that some will probably embrace it as some kind of
artistic triumph. Although it is exceedingly well shot, the movie offers little
else other than a large and completely wasted cast.
The sole claim to fame of the Polish Brothers, Michael and Mark, is that they
can do weird well. Their first feature, TWIN FALLS, IDAHO, was about conjoined
twins. It had a lot going for it, even if it was only partially successful. In
contrast, their latest picture, NORTHFORK, isn't just weird. It's off the
scale. Painfully slow, it's a hundred minute movie that's about ninety-nine
minutes too long.
The plot concerns a group of government evacuation agents who have come to the
town of Northfork to convince everyone to leave. Their town is about to be
flooded in order to build a hydroelectric dam. Dressed in black hats and black
trench coats, the agents drive long, shiny black sedans. If the agents get
their quota to leave, they are paid with one and one half acres of newly formed
lakefront property. The movie also features a band of wacky angels and a crazy
preacher, played by Nick Nolte.
"What do you suppose we do?" Agent Willis O'Brien (Mark Polish) asks his father,
Agent Walter O'Brien (James Woods) in a tricky evacuation situation. I know
what I should have done. I should have evacuated the theater during the opening
credits. It doesn't get any better as it goes along.
NORTHFORK runs an excruciatingly long 1:40. The film is rated PG-13 for "brief
sexuality" and would be acceptable for kids around 10 and up.
Copyright © 2003 Steve Rhodes