Cuba Gooding, Jr., fire your agent! Anyone who signed you onto this dumb, smutty sex comedy doesn't have your best interests at heart. For a 1996 Oscar-winner for "Jerry Maguire" to descend this low is inexcusable - and how Roger Moore wound up in this dismal mess will forever remain a mystery.

Directed with mounting hysteria by Mort Nathan from his and William Bigelow's double-entendre-laden script, the lame story revolves around a guy (SNL's Horatio Sanz) who tries to cheer up his computer-programmer buddy (Gooding), who's broken up with his spoiled, demanding girl-friend (Vivica A. Fox) after she rejects his marriage proposal, by arranging for them to board a Mediterranean singles cruise. If I remember correctly, Sanz says something like "saddle up the old baloney pony." But what neither man realizes until it's too late is that their nasty travel agent (Will Ferrell) has deliberately booked them on a gay cruise. Homophobic jokes and offensive stereotypes abound - until the hetero guys find women: a dance instructor (Roselyn Sanchez) and the entire Swedish sun-tanning team whose helicopter is accidentally - yet conveniently - shot down with a flare gun. Roger Moore? He's along for the ride, playing James Bond as an lecherous, aging queen. Gooding, Sanz and Moore chew the scenery, perhaps overacting as a defense against dementia. I mean, what choice does Gooding have when he's called on to lip-sync dance routine to "I'm Coming Out," clad in a jockstrap, gold chains, white boots, and peacock feathers? On the Granger Movie Gauge of 1 to 10, "Boat Trip" is a crass, tiresome 2. At 95 minutes, it seems like an eternity. This ship deserves to sink.