BLADE: TRINITY is a "ten-minute movie." Watching any ten minutes is more
than enough since this barely scripted film is just about lighting,
cinematography, posturing and weaponry. Actually, if you're in a hurry,
five minutes will more than suffice for you to see it all. Spending more
time with it is just repetitious.
The plot, to the extent that there is one, involves a viral weapon called
Daystar, which the forces of good hope will be the final solution in killing
the vampires. The vampires, on the other hand, have their own final
solution in mind, and his name is Drake (Dominic Purcell), Dracula to you
old fogies. The vampires, led by an embarrassingly bad Parker Posey as
Danica Talos, plan on using Drake to take superhero Blade (Wesley Snipes)
out of commission forever. The early exit polls are on Drake to win, but
you know about those polls. It will come as no surprise to hear that Blade
might just come out the winner again. You might be surprised, however, to
learn than the big mano a mano scene at the end involves a sword fight.
But, like the rest of the movie, it is way over done. Where is Errol Flynn
when you need him?
I ignored my aforementioned 10-minute rule and stayed to the bitter end, but
you shouldn't. If you find yourself in a theater showing BLADE: TRINITY,
sample a little bit and walk out. An even better idea would be to skip it
entirely. I'd like to think that the studios will be passing on a BLADE 4,
but the ending is almost a plea for funding so the series won't die.
That's more than enough, and I never even got to tell you about the IPOD ad
in the movie. The best looking vampire hunter, played by Jessica Biel,
always loads up her IPOD with tunes to kill by before she starts her daily
vampire slaughter. Kind of makes you wonder what groups are the best for
BLADE: TRINITY runs way too long at 1:54. It is rated R for "strong
pervasive violence and language, and some sexual content" and would be
acceptable for teenagers.
Copyright © 2004 Steve Rhodes