The story concerns Royal Tenenbaum (Gene Hackman), a weird man -- the adjective is superfluous since everyone is weird in this story -- who has three child geniuses: a playwright, a tennis star and a business mogul/inventor. Most of the movie is set after the kids, Margot (Gwyneth Paltrow), Richie (Luke Wilson) and Chas (Ben Stiller), have grown up. After leaving when the kids were young, Royal returns to the household, falsely claiming to have only six weeks left to live. Anjelica Huston plays his wife, Etheline. The plot proves as uninteresting as the characters themselves. When one character attempts a gory suicide, don't be surprised if you find yourself secretly rooting for him to die.

The movie's only good joke appears in trailers, but it's only funny because of Hackman's reaction shot. The movie version, however, doesn't contain Hackman's reaction, one supposes, to insure that nothing will spoil Anderson's new brand of no laughs/no smiles comedy.

Paltrow plays a character with bad makeup and a zombie-like stare. I don't know about the makeup, but most members of the audience will be like Margot, as they stare with mouths open in disbelief that a movie with a cast this strong could be this awful.

"What's so funny?" Margot asks Richie at one point. With an "I have no idea" look, he shrugs his shoulders and rolls his eyes. You will be thinking the same thing for almost two long hours. We had three generations of Rhodes's discussing it in the family van on the way back. We rarely all agree on any movie we see together, but this time there was universal disdain.

THE ROYAL TENENBAUMS runs 1:48. It is rated R for "some language, sexuality/nudity and drug content" and would be acceptable for teenagers.

My son Jeffrey, age 12, hated the movie and gave it * 1/2. He liked the scene of Royal hamming it up with his grandsons and wished that the rest of the movie could have been as good.